And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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