Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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