i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
