Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
