I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
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New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
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It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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