I wanna bring you to show and tell
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
