Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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