:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
