You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
