Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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