he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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