Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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