Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
