Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
