I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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