but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
