If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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