I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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