u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
