On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
