Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i just had sex bonerless
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
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I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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