I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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