just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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