Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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