no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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