I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
