She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
