Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
