we have pet lesbian snakes
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
