I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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