Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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