He uses pillows to masturbate.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
