He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
