whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
There are leaves in my underwear?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
