Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
