I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
