i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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