...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
