You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
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He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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