Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he fucked my hip out of place.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
