Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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