I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
