I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
