I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
