Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Randomize
