i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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