We won't sleep together?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
