I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I wear drunk well.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
