I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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