i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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