WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
