AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
