I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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