he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
