I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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