I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
