I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I looked at my own cervix.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
