my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
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