So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
