so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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