I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
