i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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