So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
