If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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