honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
