Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
