Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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