so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
