Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I smell like Dick and happiness
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
