Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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