i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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