did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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