Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
